He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
