how can u be prego again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize