remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
