we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found a bag of teeth...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
