she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
