U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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