I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
