I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
