I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
