i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize