At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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