Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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