He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
