jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
