at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
