I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
