we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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