Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
