What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The Olympian is in my bed
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