just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize