i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
