i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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