she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
