i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
