There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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