look no pants
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
