dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize