jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
