Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
