My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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