is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
