i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
