I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
