I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize