someone get that fucking seahorse.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize