I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
