i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
