im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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