so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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