I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
