I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
