Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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