I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
