your room smells of hookers.
And success
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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