Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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