My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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