so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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