and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
