oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
