Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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