Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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