I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
