The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
