The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
