I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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