...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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