i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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