I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
