Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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