The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
