i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
