My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
