we have officially lost it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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