I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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